Why The World Needs Tact

As a single 30 something Asian girl still living at home with a parent, society can be brutal. Unlike the western culture, Asian women don't necessarily leave the nest until marriage. But marriage comes at a very early age. Even till today in some parts of India, girls are being married off the moment puberty hits. Sometimes even before.

But here I am, in fast moving Kuala Lumpur. A city of different religions, different cultures, different mindsets. My mother married at 23 purely because her father told her to. My sister married at 21 for her own reasons. And then there's me. 30 something and unwed. Horrifying and disgraceful. It is outrageous enough to be questioned by my regular petrol station attendant who just cannot fathom why I am still single.

For years my hair was progressively getting blonder. My relatives, not knowing how to respond starting cracking awkward humorless jokes. No matter how educated or successful you are, mental forwardness is a slow process which I feel advances from each new generation. But there is the odd case here and there. Recently my mother, either getting incredibly open minded in her old age or losing all hope in me, surprised me with this astonishing piece of news.

“If you don't want to get married and but prefer to just live with a guy, its okay with me”, she said.

This was followed, of course, by the small clause of including her in the living arrangements.

Then of course there is the weight issue. Having been cursed by the low metabolism gene, maintaining a socially accepted number on the weighing scale has been a tough and mostly losing battle. People with manners would usually say nothing about your recent weight gain. Instead they might comment positively when you have actually lost some or maybe compliment your attire or new hairstyle.

Then there are the tactless ones. Have you ever heard the popular “You are looking very healthy.” or just downright “Wow! You have put on a lot of weight!” I have a mirror. I know what I look like. Thank you Captain Obvious. Have you ever considered that perhaps I may have a medical condition? Or a mental condition? Or any of the hundreds of other reasons why I look the way I do.

Perhaps the wisest though not necessarily the most polite reply would be “I can lose weight. You will still be ugly!”

Career.

Listing the remarks I have gotten about this subject could fill a book. I work in post production. This is a specialized field that sounds glamorous but is terribly difficult to explain clearly. I find when people don't understand something and if they are not the kind to research the subject, they are unable to take it seriously. This applies to my relatives and many people around me. My career is a joke simply because there is a lack of understanding. Yes the hours are long and the pay isn't great but it’s a job that provides some amount of satisfaction. But in the eyes of society, I have failed. I am neither a lawyer, nor a doctor nor the right kind of engineer.

Have you ever experienced this scenario?

You are having a meal in a restaurant. A group of older ladies walk by you, stop right at your table and start discussing, very loudly I might add, the plate of food you are in the process of consuming.

If you are so curious about my meal, why not ask me directly or discreetly question your waiter after you have been seated.

I am convinced that the older generations feel they have a right to speak their immediate thought no matter how rude it may be. Is it because they have lived longer and have experienced more than us chickens? Or maybe we all fall into this false fantasy as we age, thinking ourselves wiser then a younger mind. But no matter how old you may be or whether you are a friend, parent, sibling, aunt, uncle or cousin, rudeness is not tolerated. As society grows and changes direction, so will taboos. What was acceptable to critique then may not be now and may never be in the future. We will never be able to keep up with what is ‘politically correct’ and what is not. It is not the freedom of speech that is jeopardized. It’s a simple life lesson on how to keep the peace and live harmoniously with each other. My opinion, many conflicts, no matter how small, could have been avoided with a little tact.

I am who I choose to be. The way I look or my choice of career or my views on marriage. They might never appeal to all but it’s my life and I will live it my way. And only because I was brought up in a culture that teaches you to be polite to your elders, I will only smile and walk away.

Having good manners won’t kill you. And neither will a little tact...

About Food...And Reviewing It.

I'm a person who loves food. *Pats tummy* I used to be a person who ate anything and everything, and when asked for my feedback, I'd just say, "Oh, it's nice", without being able to differentiate whether or not it was just merely palatable, or something truly worthy of a connoisseur. I also used to chuck ketchup over a large portion of my food (Okay, I'm still occasionally guilty of that!). But if there's something I've learned from my string of ex's, its how to eat, and how to eat well. I'm not a stranger to food and restaurant reviews. I read them, and I even used to write them once upon a time ago. I want to do that again here on this blog, but this time, I want to do it properly.

My reviews used to be long essays with lots of stuff about what I was doing and who I was with. However, as I read more reviews by other bloggers, I noticed that if I was reading that review just to decide whether or not I wanted to eat at a certain restaurant, I didn't want to read about what the blogger was doing before they got to the place, or why they decided to go there, or who they were with, or what antics they got up to whilst in the restaurant. I just wanted the facts. Food. Service. Ambiance. Price. Location. I wanted information to help me decide where to eat right now, and I didn't want to have to wade through a whole load of unnecessary crap to get to that info. So I decided that my reviews will be segmented into categories, and so far, I've decided on the below:

1) The Circumstances - A short summary as to how I ended up at that place to begin with. Totally skippable if you're in a hurry.
2) The Atmosphere - Comfort/decor, cleanliness, noise level and target market segment (families, couples, office crowd, large groups).
3) The Food - Portion sizes, presentation, taste and freshness.
4) The Service - Staff knowledge, attentiveness, professionalism, friendliness, speed the food is served.
5) The Price - Price range and value for money.
6) The Place - Location, opening hours, type of cuisine, parking availability, contact details.
7) The Result - My overall dining experience, and whether or not I'll be back again.

While I'm no expert food critic, I'd like to present my personal opinion of these food establishments to the general public, whether it's to help these places get a bit of well deserved extra publicity, or just to help people decide on whether its worthwhile to spend their hard earned money on a place that may or may not be a waste of time. I might even throw in a scoring system to make it easier for some people to come to a conclusion. Heck, my review style might change as time goes by, nothing's set in stone yet.

But most importantly, while I might gush if the food or the service or the price is truly above par...you can be sure to expect to read my fully honest, straightforward opinion if its not.

In Humans We Trust...

The feel of turning a warm well read page. The quiet sound of your finger running across the words, remembering and memorizing. The crisp and crackle of a freshly turned page, your excitement growing as the story unfolds.

Books. Good old fashioned books. The kind you can hold and feel and dog ear a page when yet another book mark goes missing. Not an e-book. The kind that strains your eye sight and makes you lose your place as you scroll down the screen.

Call me an old timer but I still put all my faith in a real book. I want to curl up under the covers on a cool night and cradle my over read slightly worn out copy of Sidney Sheldon's Bloodline. 

But unfortunately the time of the book is fast coming to an end. Technology has reared its futuristic head and torn away yet another memory of a simple childhood.

I, of course, have benefited greatly from technology. If not for its capabilities, I would be writing these words (depending on how far back we go) with a pen and paper. My words would not be read by people from the far corners of the globe. And you, dear reader, would have to suffer my many spelling errors if not for the glorious invention of the spell-checker. So what exactly am I complaining about?

Communication.

The simple straight forward act of having a conversation with another human being.

Interaction.

A tennis game of words punctuated by a physical gesture of a tap on the shoulder, a hand shake or even a high five.

The next time you go to a restaurant or attend a wedding reception, take a look around you. Young and old alike are on their phones. Texting. Instagramming. Tweeting. Mind you, its absolutely fantastic to be able to connect with anyone in any part of the world in an instant. Sharing a photograph or a video with a tap of a finger.

But what about sharing that moment with the person next to you? Have we turned into robots? Its become so much easier to communicate our feelings with emoticons. Has a real hug and a smile lost its value? Should we expect brain chips, space homes and lab designed relationships to make its presence very soon?

Having a cup of tea at our local all night coffee shop with my best friend used to be a weekly routine. We would catch up on the weeks events, have a good laugh, make plans for the weekend. Really just talk to each other, face to face. Even though now, due to time management and other responsibilities, our regular routine has dwindled to more of a monthly affair, But our quality time together has lost its value. Why? Because more time is spent checking emails, browsing Facebook or uploading a badly taken photograph of the dish we were just served then actually indulging in a conversation with the person sitting across the table. And its even more frustrating when its not you doing these things. Here I am bursting to share my weekly updates but instead I am being given more attention by the grain carrying ants running across the table. So how did I solve this problem?

For the longest time I stayed off the smart phone wagon. Then I fell into the hype and invested in my first iPhone. Insisting that I didn't need to be constantly connected, I refused the thrill of a data plan. 3 years later with my resolve failing miserably, I succumbed. A classic case of “If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!” The upside of this was that I had the world at my fingertips. The downside, even with every effort to remain anonymous, every faucet of my life had been unleashed for the world to see. Even more so, the looming threat of turning into a lonely person preferring the company of machines was fast approaching.

The list of advancements technology has given us is endless and mind blowing. Trying to remain bias on the subject and its speedy progress is not an easy task. As much as I would like to stand rooted to my old fashioned beliefs, being pushed by this out of control tidal wave seems inevitable.

All I am asking for is to not forget who we are and where we came from. Hold on to your humanity and remember what its like to be human because I think its a pretty cool thing to be..

Digi - Is it really the smarter choice?

I've always thought that Digi was a pretty savvy company. Despite its lingering reputation for terrible voice reception and data connectivity, it has still managed to attract and retain a substantial market share of subscribers against superior competitors like Maxis and Celcom with lower prices and attractive deals.

However, having said that, my personal opinion of them changed somewhat today. This was not because of terrible reception, or no data coverage, or a multitude of other f**k ups that I've personally experienced before. Sure, I've cursed and sworn at them in the past, but never have I been so baffled by ineptitude on their part before.

I openly admit that after being a Maxis subscriber since I was in my late teens, the initial reason for my switch over to Digi was mainly because I was utterly fed up of Maxis charging me for things I did not subscribe to. I'm big on loyalty and I'm a creature of habit. If you treat me right, as a customer, I'll never go anywhere else.

So today I get a call from a Digi telemarketer (lets call him Mr Genius), asking me to update my RM48 per month plan (with 1GB data, no free calls/texts) to the latest RM58 plan with 2GB data and 200 mins of free calls and 200 free smses (both of these to Digi numbers ONLY). Without bothering to find out what I wanted or didn't want out of my mobile plan, he jumped straight in to the features of the new plan and how he thought it would benefit me.

Now I'd seen this plan before on their website, and had toyed with the idea of upgrading. However, as I didn't (and still don't) have plans to update my phone just yet, the idea of being under contract for another year just wasn't very appealing at the time. But I certainly was interested at that point. Especially when Mr Genius said that if I decided to upgrade my phone with them during the contract period, they would immediately cancel the current contract without any penalty and start the new one right away.

Anyhow, before I committed myself, I wanted to find out if I'd end up paying more for services that I wouldn't use. It's a mistake that I've often made in the past. All I was interested in were the 200 minutes of free calls and 200 free texts. I don't usually use much data on the go, and have only exceeded my 1GB's worth of data twice in my entire tenure with Digi. Once was when I was moving houses, and did not have any internet access at home for the entire month, and the second time when a background app on my phone had downloaded a whole heap of stuff without my knowledge. Both times happened within the last 2-3 days of my billng cycle, so it wasn't a big deal anyway.

So I asked Mr Genius how much extra I'd normally pay for calls and texts. After much hemming and hawing, obvious attempts to avoid going thtrough the numbers with me, he reluctantly agreed to do the calculation for ONLY my latest bill (I'd actually asked for the figures from the last 3 months of bills).

After he did the calculation, he kept emphasizing that the extra amount I paid last month was RM13.20, and the new plan was only RM10 extra. After several repeats of RM13.20, I then insisted that he specifically break down the individual figures for me between Digi and Non-Digi numbers. Because if the free calls and smses were only for Digi numbers, I'd really only benefit if I were to spend more than that calling and texting Digi numbers.

The final numbers? Out of the RM13.20 that he kept harping on about, I was charged RM5.22 and RM4.20 in Non-Digi calls and texts respectively, so this amount doesn't count. RM1.39 was charged for an international call. Then finally, the numbers I was waiting for, I had paid RM2.21 and a whopping RM0.18 in Digi to Digi calls and texts respectively.

And the tone of his voice in which he breezed past those last 2 amounts? I'll lay down some good money on the fact that he'd given up on signing me up.

In other words, I would have paid an extra RM10 to save myself RM 2.39 if I signed up for this extra package. I'm not saying that this situation will be the same for everybody out there who's reading through this in the hopes that it will help them decide whether to subscribe with Digi or not. In fact, it really is a pretty sweet deal if your usage habits swing that way.

Hmmm, maybe he really should have offered to check my last 3 months worth of statements.

Mid Life Puppy Steps.

Knowing what my career path was from the time I was little proved to be a great relief. Of course there was something else that I would have loved to do but being academically challenged, that was not a possibility. But many of my peers were undecided and clueless as to where their future was headed. My future seemed all laid out. My yellow brick road was paved and shinning bright.
So I went to the right college, passed the right papers and through some pushing and shoving, forced my way into the right industry. 
Fast forward 12 years and here I stand. Conflicted and utterly confused.
I enjoy the work I do. I can honestly say my employer is better then most, my colleagues are without the usual politics and the job itself provides satisfaction.
Then why am I now standing at a crossroad, contemplating a total and drastic change in my career?
Is this what is known as a mid life crisis?

The dictionary defines a mid life crisis as 'an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence that can occur in early middle age.' 

But I am a 30 something single girl still living with mom. Some might say I have no worries, no responsibilities, a life free to be lived as I see fit. Perhaps there is some truth in that assumption. So why this sudden change of heart?
I always thought a mid life crisis was reserved for those in their 40s or 50s. I stand corrected. Because apparently, it can happen to anyone of any age and strike at any unexpected moment.
I asked a man in his 60s when he thought a mid life crisis could occur. His answer “Anywhere between the age of 20 to 90”.
But I am fairly certain that almost everyone of any age has at one point or the other come to rethink their choices in life, regardless of what it is. As you grow older interests change. So how do you get yourself out of this funk?

 Suggestions to consider (but at your own discretion):
1. Perform a charitable act and pay it forward
2. Give an animal a good home
3. If you can afford it, take a year off and travel the world
4. Get a tattoo or a piercing or color your hair something outrageous
5. Pick up a brand new hobby. Something you would never have considered doing. e.g pole dancing, roller skating, mountain climbing, etc...
6. Once a week, have dinner with a different person
7. Consider a complete change of career that revolves around a subject you are passionate about

I do not have a concrete answer for everyone. But this is the advice I am giving myself. Life is too short to spend every minute thinking about the next. Each generation seems to be aging faster then the one before. Relight that youthful fire you let die out. Take a risk, just because you want to. Don't let fear hold you back. It's okay to make a change and it's never too late to start, It's only too late when it's too late.
My newly paved yellow brick road starts here, with this post. If this is my mid life crisis, I am grabbing it by the tail and taking my first puppy step...

At the beginning...

Ash: The world was a dark place...barren lands...empty seas...then came the dinosaurs.
No? Doesn't work?

Ajantha (AJ): How did the dinos survive of barren lands?

Ash: Because the chicken crossed the road.

AJ: After every single species of dinosaur survived off that one chicken, they saw a bright light in the sky...

Ash: Thus began this blog. And yes, that made absolutely no sense.

AJ: And the heroes that are Ash and Ajantha came along to save the internet, one post at a time!

And so it began. The dawn of a new era, the light at the end of the tunnel.

So dear readers, we cannot promise greatness with every post. But we can try to promise a good read. So stay tuned...