Friendship: The state
of being a friend.
And what exactly does
that mean?
To you or to the local
shopkeeper or to his neighbor, a friend could mean many things. It
could be someone with a friendly smile. It could be the town barber,
keeper of all secrets. It could be a parent or a sibling. It could be
the kindly stranger who helped with your grocery bags. It could be
someone you have shared secrets and intimate moments with. Or like
me, it could be someone you have hated and fought with for as long as
you can remember until the day you didn't.
Many of my friendships
have formed from dislike and hate. In high school there was a boy
that I wished would accidentally fall off a tall building. Not a kind
word was shared between us. Insults would fly, its sharp tongues
tipped with poison. I cannot remember how this feud began. Neither can I
remember how it ended. All I know is that now, 15 years later, we
have a fantastic friendship.
Likewise, one of my
closest friends to date, decided she hated me from 'Hello'. I needed
a dictionary to translate the many swear words she threw at me,
mostly in Mandarin. A language she was fluent in and I was not. But
as quickly as it began, it ended. Resulting in one of my most
treasured friendships.
Television and films
lie to you. They portray a dramatized version of reality. A false
portrayal of 'a happily ever after'. Because the truth is, as much as
we would like to believe the beautiful stories painted for us,
friendship is hard work. And trying to keep a good one alive to the
end, is even harder.
A friendship is simply
another kind of relationship. Two parties bound together emotionally
only without the legal red tape. Both sides need to work equally
hard, breathing life to keep it alive and strong. Lose one lung, the
end draws near.
So how exactly do you
define a good friendship and what is involved in keeping it alive?
There are hundreds of
reasons but for me, this is what I believe is crucial to achieving a
true friendship. And this is the kind of friend I aspire to be.
- The one person you yearn to call when troubles get you down. No matter has minuscule the problem, you are never judged, not even for a moment.
- Never being calculative with money. Especially if you know your friend is a little empty in pocket, picking up the tab is an unspoken gesture because you know the favor will be returned when able.
- Being able to speak your mind when you feel your friend is about to embark on a potentially disastrous personal journey, whether it be with a new dress or new boyfriend, etc. Whether your advice and opinion is heeded or not, it should at least be taken into consideration and understood that you only mean well.
- When it all falls apart, (re. No.3) never say 'I told you so'. Just be there.
- Being able to talk about your childhood. Knowing that even if it were some thing that may have seemed silly but meant a lot as a kid, it will never be ridiculed and used as party joke ammunition.
- Don't flaunt your current partner in front your friend especially if he/she has been single for a while and is feeling particularly lonely.
- If a friend needs a shoulder to cry on, make arrangements to meet up or make time for a phone call. I once needed my best friends advice and she was out with her boyfriend. Not wanting to leave him and come to me, she brought him along. Sometimes, you might appreciate an extra pair of ears. But not always.
- Conflict is a part of friendship. Always try to solve the problems when they are small. Its easier to put out a small fire then a big one. If you feel the friendship is worth it, be the bigger man and step up to resolve the issue.
- Being proud of your friends successes. Also being able to admit your envy at times.
- Knowing when a personal joke crosses the line into dangerous territory. Be sensitive and listen when a friend makes a quiet plea for you to stop.
You may not always know
the right words to say and more often then not well intended words
could result in friendship suicide. Like any other relationship,
communication is the key. No one is a mind reader. I was once told
that if you can count the amount of true friends you have in one
hand, you are a very lucky person. In my teens and twenties, I had
more friends then fingers and toes. Now due my method of sieving the
friend pool, I am down to one hand. And I can honestly say, I have no
regrets. Once you have made the decision to be friends, accept each
other, for better or for worse. You can't choose your family but you
can choose your friends. Choose wisely, and to quote The
Rembrandts, I'll be there for you 'Cuz you're there for me too... .
Expect as much from a friend as you are willing to give. That is all
you need to be a true friend till the end.
Don't
walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not
follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
-Albert Camus-
-Albert Camus-
